An Open Letter To My Mom

Dear Mama,

Growing up, I was never sure if we would ever truly get along. The years I spent stomping up stairs and slamming doors are a testament to that. All insolence and obstinacy and impatience, you’d think I was a breed of fire all my own. It couldn’t have been easy for you. We argued often, and I account that to us being far too alike. Both of us stubborn and disagreeable at times, it was no wonder we were at each other’s throats. Now, as I sit at a desk 180 miles, 3 hours, and far too many phone calls away from home, I wish I could take back all the times I spent complaining about how much I wanted to “just move out already.” It’s all upside-down and turned around, as if my life is stuck inside some sort of perpetual tornado. Call me Dorothy, because I’m not sure where I’m at right now. If only it was as easy as clicking my heels and wishing for home. I miss you every day. I miss staying up into the early AM and watching the Food Network and QVC. I miss random shopping trips where we’d splurge more money on coffee than clothes. Most of all, I miss having the most important woman in my life just steps from my bedroom door. It took a little growing up and a lot of love, but there is no one I’d rather spend time with than my mama. You were never the mom who wore Rock Revivals, or tried too hard to act “cool,” or had that weird poofed up hairstyle that other moms have and I THANK YOU for that. Thanks for refusing to be my best friend because you’re “my mom not my friend,” for calling which friends would turn out to be fake, and for picking up the coffee tab. Love and miss you always.

It’s true, home is where your mom is.

-E

The Mountains Are Calling..

I fervently believe there is something important about letting yourself feel small. I mean, after all, we really are. Tiny ants of people treading like giants upon on an earth we claimed as our own. We want to believe that we are this hugely important piece of nature. So, we build our buildings taller and compete with trees and act like somehow we aren’t merely a speck of dust existing among galaxies. It’s scary. It’s significant. If you ever get the chance, I challenge you to visit the mountains. Breathe the wild air. Enjoy the opulence that is nature. Be humbled. Stand at the bottom of landforms larger than any building you’ll ever step foot into and allow yourself to realize that somehow, as small as you are, you fit into this crazy beautiful life cycle. Realize that even the tallest of mountains are fabricated of infinitesimal grains of earth. There is something unmistakably fascinating about visualizing your place in the world, and I hope you all take the opportunity to experience it. 

“I urge you; go find buildings and mountains and oceans to swallow you whole. They will save you, in a way nothing else can.” -Christopher Poindexter

-E

September Near Midnight

There is something appealing about being alone in the dark. Something about the black vastness overhead freckled with stars makes me feel less lonely, or maybe more lonely in a way no one would understand if you told them. The cold night air creeps under my skin and wraps itself around my bones, the kind of chill that helps you breathe, the kind that reminds you you’re still alive. I always listen to the rustling of the quickly turning leaves, but I can never make out the music, only a quiet promise to return again once the cold has passed. Nature is like that. People are like that too.

-E